Basic French for Beginners

As a Canadian with 12 years of French taught to him in school, you’d think I would be more comfortable speaking the language in France. 

However, immediately upon my arrival in Paris, I discovered that naming fruit (like the pamplemousse) or locating the town library (the bibliotheque) wasn’t very helpful. I needed to catch a train and find my hotel and nothing in my dozen years of pamplemousse and bibliotheque lessons prepared me for that. 

Was I a poor student? Au contraire. I was an A student until my senior year when good parties and a bad attitude slipped me into the respectable B- territory.

There will be no conjugation of verbs. You only need to know the “I” version. You are the one moving around the country. You don’t need to waste time learning about “we” or the plural “they” today.

And everything will be in the present tense. Even if you are talking about events in the past or in the future, you can get away with speaking only in the present tense. In the context of your limited conversations, everyone will understand what you mean.

And don’t worry about masculine or feminine nouns. If you get that wrong, nobody cares. They also will know what you mean. The wrong use of le or la will not send the conversation off the rails like your old French teacher thinks.

So save the conjugation, and tenses, and the mastery of masculine and feminine nouns for the experts. You will only learn basic and useful French at my course!

Day One Morning:

You will learn the bare essentials: “Hello. Goodbye. Yes. No. Please. Thank you. Excuse me. I’m sorry.” That’s all you really need if I’m being completely honest. Master those phrases and any self-respecting French person will treat you like a linguistic god. If Parisians have a reputation for being rude, it’s only because they bristle at any tourist who can’t be bothered to say merci for their delivered glass of wine.

Day One Afternoon:

After a taxing morning, we reunite to learn two more important phrases: “I don’t understand, I speak English.” And “Do you speak English?” Now you’re cooking! Now you have the ability to get out of any situation. Even if the person you’re talking to doesn’t speak English, they always know someone close by who does. You’re now good to go!

That’s my first day of classes. Completely affordable for my One Day Super Class. But I have additional classes for those who desire a more-rounded education.

Day Two:

You learn how to ask for directions. Usually, the first thing you need to do when you arrive in France is find something: the toilet, the taxi stand, the bus stand, or even your hotel near the train station. You already know “hello” and “excuse me.” Now we add “where is…?” It’s easy after that. Toilet is toilette. Taxi is taxi. Bus is bus. And I assume you know the name of your hotel? You just need to learn the words for “right,” “left,” and “straight ahead.”

Day Three:

It’s Numbers Day so you will learn how to count from one through ten. Remember, you never have to say complicated numbers like the year“1975”. You can get away with saying, “one, nine, seven, five.” Just the basics, dummy. 

Now you can ask for addresses, understand bus and plane numbers, tell the time, and even figure out the price of items at the grocery store. And since France (and the rest of Europe) is completely wired for credit and debit cards, you rarely have to fumble around with their money.

Final Day: Day Four:

You learn how to order coffee. Yes, you can get away with just pointing to items on the menu, but there is something satisfying about walking up to a barista counter and ordering your latte and knowing exactly how to say “no sugar” or requesting that “almond milk” or whatever it is your pleasure. 

The final lesson, for restauranteurs, is how to get your bill. Yes, you could wave your hands at the waiter. But aren’t you better than that? Politely asking for your bill and silently presenting your credit card is much more fulfilling. And don’t forget to say “thank you” and “goodbye.”